It surely was an absurd day yesterday. Starting from the morning my mind was filled with this question: why do we live in constant reconstruction? Why is the city I live in , constantly going through a phase of construction-deconstruction-destruction? How does this affect us all? All the cats, all the dogs, all the birds and all the homo sapiens like me? So I started filming my foot steps. In my route to Cihangir Yoga, my yoga studio, I came across changing patterns of concrete, bulldozers pouring concrete ALL over the place. So yes by the time I got to the studio I was filled with restless feelings, and it only got worse as soon as I walked into the studio cause there was construction inside as well, all the couches were filled with plastic sheets, sounds coming from within and without accompanied with a smell of fresh paint, I said to myself, the more you try to escape the more you are surrendered with all this mess. So I took a deep breath and entered the first yoga session. That was a Temel I class (BASICS I). Then came a yin class in which I fell asleep during a pose called paschimottanasana (seated forward bend) and yes that was a dreamy moment, when I woke up people had already come out of the pose preparing for the next. And of course no need to mention the construction noise kept on coming through the windows throughout these two practices. Then came my moment. The moment to share (to teach). It was one of the hardest classes of my life. It was so hard to make myself heard at times. But yes I managed it, yet with a question mark I left the studio: when did I become so sensitive to loud noises? Was it because of all the jets and helicopters that flew above me? Was it because I can never feel at peace in the city once I am on the street, due to all the construction going around me? So I left the studio, and started walking up the hill that I had come down earlier in the day. Once on top of the hill, I came across the MAYOR. “Yes this is the moment” I said to myself. “This is the moment you have been waiting for all your life. A moment to bitch, a moment to question, a moment to remind of the abuse this city and the entire country has been going through.” After three classes in a row, my nerves had been removed away from me, I was calm, I was silent. I went to him and shook his hand, introducing myself to him I said: “dear sir, when will I start living in peace? When will you stop destroying and constructing? When will this nightmare end?” With a smile he said: “we are a growing nation dear madam, we are working so hard to make your city a beautiful one. This has only become possible because our incomes are so much higher, as a nation we have become so much richer in the past couple of years. Paris for instance, there they do not build or construct anymore, cause they are losing people, here though there is constant immigration; we have become a great nation. I am so happy for us.” His reality kept me speechless, it was as if I had entered through the gates of Narnia, and was facing a different kind of reality. A reality that was so certain and proud. So my laughing attack hit me, in front of his council, photographers and journalists I started the biggest laugh of my life, it was unstoppable so I said “thank you” and left. I walked all the way home with this attack, unable to stop, opened my door, at this point I had already passed by five other construction sites, so I was in awe. “Yes,” I said, “Husne, you just shook hands with the mayor, told him how city planning does not exist in this land, and how much abuse is going on. He gave you a big smile and inhaled all your words only to exhale all his dreams.” And then I reached a moment of ah-ha! Yes, reality is a crazy thing. And the fact that I was keeping this furious me locked inside of me only until the moment I met this other reality, hit me. Who is inside of me, that I do not know? How much more of me will I come across through out my experiences? How much we grow out of interaction? And how much a land, a society can affect me? Then I came across this passage in “ Women who run with the Wolves”: “ The land, the culture, and politics in which one lives contribute every bit as much to the individual’s psychic landscape and are as valuable to consider in these lights as one’s subjective milieu.”
Yes, my social environment surely does shape me. And this furious bitchy person that rose out of me was a great instance for it, besides many other things. Within the acceptance of what is, lies such crazy lunatic experiences.
I am still laughing. Dear cosmos, thank you for this incredible meeting. And thank you dear soul for giving me the freedom of accepting with laughter. I am looking forward to living in freedom, without attaching myself to experiences but seeing them as beacons that light my way.
PLEASE WATCH TO VIDEO BELOW TO FEEL WHAT I MEAN