It feels like, within the past month all the gatherings I had with some amazing teachers led me to the idea of "re-connecting" with the true self. Where was this connection, which we are seeking in absolute madness in our day and age, lost? How did we lose it? Why did we lose it? Why do we feel so lost without it? When do we regain it? What is the path to it?
All of the works I have been involved in so far, all lead me to the same spot: Birth. We are born as energy balls, full of all emotions, without the need for differentiating or definining emotions. At a state of constant "presence". Fear, love, joy, anger all happening at the same time. No sensation is discluded. As a whole we are born, with all the good and the bad.
Then comes a time when we start learning not to express certain feelings that we have, this is the moment when we lose our connection to our very true self. The moment we compare our good and bad feelings, trying to get rid of the bad, in fear of losing the love of our parents, in fear of losing the love which looks like the only neccesity for survival back then.
Then we grow up. We grow up with a handful of emotions that we can not define. Where does this fear come from? Why do I feel so angry? What is this worry that follows me everywhere? These questions arise exactly when the need for re-connecting peaks. At this point we have only one true hepler: our very own selves. The openness to look at that self is a great journey. All the teachings lead me to the same unity. The unity within the self, the unity with other people and the unity with the cosmos.
Unless I am connected to myself, I will not be connected to my lover, to my family, to my friends, to my colleagues. I have the full responsibility to make this happen. But this is not even about making or doing something, it is more about being something, being who you really are without discluding some feelings, making sure that a whole is a whole with it all.