I am sitting and waiting at Ataturk airport where a terrorist attack was made on June 28th, Tuesday. Only a few days ago. The moment I walked into it, I heard the cries, i felt the fear. Here I am, only a few days after 45 people were killed at this airport; this time waiting for my plane to take me home. But I feel awful. I feel sad. I feel like there is something wrong here. When, at what point did this nation become so numb? I have this horrible feeling stuck between my heart and throat. I want to scream. I want the whole world to stop and see how numb we've become. How do we continue with our daily lives, as if nothing has happened while people around the world have moments of silence and declarations? I hear none of that here. Nobody resigns, nobody questions, nobody asks the question " how could this nation become so numb? " .
So here I am surrendered with people going to vacations like me. Everybody is ready to have a break from it all, ready to enjoy the beautiful seaside, long tables full of company and love but my heart is heavy. I am going to visit my family which I had not seen in a very long time. I am only one of those people who is going to take a rest, yet I can not. My mind and heart is full of this sadness.
I wonder how often my city or my country needs to be bombed for us to stop and say hey " how could we get so numb? ".
As a child who grew up in the 90's I can never forget the scenes in the news, where people would be killed; when the ones who died were terrorists it was a pride ; when they were turkish soldiers it was a big sadness. But at what point did we forget that what we call as terrorists are only our creation as well. How can we forget that all of this is our responsibility. I feel so sad to be living on a land that has not been able to recognize this. And it only gets worse every year it seems like.
Our worries are getting more and more intense every passing day. We are in constant denial yet it has become a part of our daily lives. A few months ago, in March I heard the bomb that exploded in Taksim, from my bedroom. Living in Cihangir, it was enough for me to hear the bomb to be terrorized. I could not leave my house for the next 48 hours. Hearing the echoes of the bombs in my ears, combined with all the pictures that I saw of all the dead souls. Just like that, few days ago people died where I am right now.
How could this nation get so numb?
This is the question I have been asking myself so much more frequently within the past 6 months.
Yes I have been feeling heavy since the attack. I am sitting in my heart, feeling whatever there is. Without denying, without trying to act otherwise. I am hoping for days when we feel more, react more and realize that when we become so numb our hearts slowly die . And therefore it won't take long for us to die. Please connect with each other and people who seem like "the other" and do not get numb.

Feeling will defeat it all.
Sit in your truth and feel.